Mysteries

Today I showed up at 9am to church to help set up tables and raffle baskets for the Halloween part next weekend. Afterward I decided to walk the labyrinth because I felt pretty overwhelmed and confused about my current job situation. I want to quit my job because it is really stressful but this is the most pay I have ever received, and I have health insurance that is paid for by the company. Overall, I know that my mental health is the most important thing and I know that this really isn't the only job that will pay me well for the work that I do but the fear of the unknown is very palpable.

I started the labyrinth walk by setting and intention, my goal was to feel peace and clarity on this issue. I started by looking up at the trees and rubbing a few leaves between my fingers, knowing that I am connected to them and everything I see and don't see. I have a cycle just like the leaves on the tree do with the seasons. When I walk the labyrinth I probably spend the first half giving God all my worries and freak out vibes and really just letting it all be known; my fears, questions, concerns. The more I walk the labyrinth the more calm I feel. I ask "what is my will?" and "what am I to do?" I really take that time to commune with God and by the time I get to the center of the labyrinth I start crying because I have released stress and tension from my body. I don't want any of it. The ground, mother earth can take it and transform it into something beautiful. After I shed a few tears I walk the labyrinth again in order to go back to where I started. This time something is different. This time everything makes sense. I know that I am exactly where I need to be. There are cracks in the cement for some reason and some are bigger than others and sometimes many cracks connect. This really spoke to me. My life events are the cracks and they are all connected in some Divine plan. I don't know why anything has happened the way it did, perceived goodness and perceived pain, it's all part of my unfolding life.

By the end I am giving thanks for everything in my life that has brought me to this point. It's hard to give thanks to some things that have brought me so much pain but I do it anyway because I am so grateful for this life of mine. I know that I will eventually quit my job if I continue to be unhappy there. Like any relationship, it has to work for me. My mental health is the most important thing for me. This is really just a blip on my walk in this life.